Fear

Today I had a very intense experience. I had to spend most of the day in Warrenton driving a client of mine to a FAPT meeting to ensure that we had funding for her supervised visits. On the way back I looked to my right and saw my mothers ex boyfriend, a face that has haunted me since I was about 5 years old. Even though I have come so far and I am happy with where I am this was a very scary 2 minutes for me. I have seen him before this and even talked to him, briefly, it was all I could do not to runaway. I just find it amazing that after all this time, he still haunts my dreams and he still makes my heart jump into my throat when I see him. He did not see me as far as I know and thankfully I was driving and was able to get away from him and avoid a reconnection but it still affected me. It bothers me that something like this could just give me such a creepy feeling that I can't shake. I hate that he still has that control over me and I want more then anything to let it go. I realize that I have let go of what happened and am not trying to change the past. I also realized though that I hope I never run into him again. He is not someone I ever want back into my life.