A new day

It is absolutely amazing to me that after so many years of dealing with the same issue it can still catch you of guard and knock you right off your feet. Well two days ago I recieved another letter from my mother and at this point I was already vulnerable due to some issues with my current boyfriend. Boom! Just like that it kicked me down. I don't know why but it hit me hard and my normal strong self completely fell apart. Alcoholism is probably one largest problems I see today. I try to run from it but it haunts me. Fortunately my mother is strong and still ticking but she is also withering away. I researched a bit on dementia a few weeks ago while talking to my aunt and came up with a form that Alcohol Dementia.
So currently what is really hard for me to deal with is that I very much believe that my mom is starting to show symptoms of Dementia. Sometimes I try to think which is worse. Either way I am loosing my mother to a disease. When things like this happen I usually try to think of the good things my mother gave me. Simple things like her laugh make me smile. Today is a new day. I made the mistake but letting things get to me and I cannot do that anymore. I have come to find that if I constantly remind myself of the good things than there will be no reason for me to fall. I have come to far this year and tried to hard to prove myself and do well to fall back in that hole that I was in for the past 3+ years of my life.

Yesterday my cousins and nephews came over. The first thing they did was come upstairs to find me, and you can't even imagine how happy that makes me. My little cousins and nephews are the biggest joy in my life and more important to me than anything. I had the best day with them yesterday and they all had me laughing so hard I really did think I was going to pee myself. They are too cute and they helped me remember the reasons I want so bad to stay where I am at right now. I love those kids, and my new little cousins as well. I couldn't imagine being away from them because they really are the best.

peace, love and unity.

Happy Fathers Day

Fathers day has always been some what of a distant holiday in my eyes. Sadly I rarely remember when it comes around. Today I sat and thought for a long time about my father. I am so grateful that I am in McLean with my aunt sydney and near family that can tell me who my father was because I never really got that chance. What I do know is that he is my hero and who I look up to everyday of my life. He is an amazing man and I still feel sad when I think that he is not here with me today. What I do know though is that so many people have helped me feel this void in my father. I called my uncle today to tell him how much he means to me. He does not have any kids of his own but he has been the father that my brother and I needed. I am so glad that he is in my life. It is good for us to remember our Fathers where ever they may be and I wish a Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out there.