2010 is here!

Well its finally 2010! Who would have thought, it seems like just yesterday we were bringing in y2k! Yes i remember those days well. For the New Year i was in New York City with my brother and it was just wonderful. Although I didn't go out to times square i watched the ball go down, sharing the joy with my friends via skype video and then was taken out afterward by a friend to show me the town. It was not to hectic just fun. I know that 2010 is going to be a great one. I am glad to leave some of the rough patches of 2009 behind me and move on looking forward to what this year holds for me. In good news my job has decided to switch us all to a salary payed plan and some wonderful benefits. I am fortunate to have such a wonderful job in these times. I really hope that we can pull out of this recession soon. Work is busy this year and I am loving it. I have some new and very challenging. It really takes some work for me not to want to scoop up some of these children and just take them home. They all deserve so much!


In other news I am happy and super excited to say that yesterday I submitted my application to Columbia University Graduate School for the advanced standing MSW program. I am so nervous. Aunt Syd keeps reassuring me I will get in. She really believes in my and it makes me so happy and motivated. I will most likely hear sometime in April. Until then, just in case, I am going to try to look up grants and scholarships. Columbia is not easy or free ride. My hope is to get my foot in the door at Unicef. I also lately have been very consumed with the news of the devastating earthquakes in Haiti. I have noticed that many of my colleagues and friends don't even know what has happened over there. I really hope that people will make more of an effort to find out whats going on in the world. We are all so consumed sometimes in our own lives that we forget that their are more important things going on. I urge everyone to make a small donation. I know its hard I myself have no money as it is but I donated $10 hoping that would do someone some good.


Chris is still home. The plan is hopefully to spend some time with him this weekend and look through and organize my dads books. However at this moment I am currently not feeling well so I am going to try to do what I can possibly tomorrow. It should be a fun project, I always love looking through things of my family especially my dad, he is such a hero to me and my motivation for everything I do. Till next time.



Peace and Serenity. <3>

Learning to Grow

So its been awhile, what can I say Im busy.. Lets see I had a trip to my mothers. It was wonderful and sad all at the same time. I miss Oregon, it was beautiful. I loved being able to share it with Lauren as well, although she was sick most of the time. It was so nice to see my family and especially my mom. Looking back it probably was the best visit I have had with her since before I moved to Oregon. The first few days were difficult, she is very threatened by my other "mothers" and was sensitive to the fact that I was staying with Amy Jo. But my favorite part was the last day I spent in Eugene I went to see her in the morning alone. I spent about two hours with her. First I painted her fingernails and toenails and then I laid on the couch and listened to her tell me stories. Then we raided her shoe closest. :) My mother has always had the best style. At 66 years old she still has better shoes then I do! I miss her now just thinking about that one morning. The rest of the time was very difficult but that was all I needed, those two hours where I felt like my mom was still there. You know I am grateful for my generation, for the help I got when I needed it because I don't think my mother was fortunate enough to get the help she needed when she was young. I am lucky and I need to remember that everyday. So...sniff sniff, as I tell my client's its okay to cry...and jeez do I.

Since returning from Oregon, I have been swamped trying to get back into work and turning in all the stuff I need for my Graduate School Application. If I hadn't mentioned previously I made a decision to apply to University of New Englands, online MSW program. Its an online program and advanced standing so I could get it done in 2 years. I was done with everything and went to submit my essay when I was notified that they had revamped the requirements so I now have 3 pages more to add to my essay. GRRRRRR. I will figure it out though. As it gets closer, because I hope to start in January, I get more unsure of myself. I keep going back and forth telling myself my ambitions are too high and there is no way I can work full time and attend grad school full time. But people manage, for goodness sake I can even look at some of my favorite actors and realize that we may think their life is easy but waking up at 5am to start work everyday then going over lines not getting off sets until close to midnight..well I think I can't handle some extra work. I feel like I have always been this lazy girl. I sometimes regret things wishing I did better, I know that some things I half assed..Im learning and I want so much to have a set routine to get up every morning much like my aunt dianne and uncle kirk and get so much done. They wake up at like 4am 5am to go to work and manage to make time for work and everyone they care about. They really amaze me and they have worked so hard I want to empower that and strive to achieve everything I can. I didn't think I could graduate highschool alive, and I did, I once thought my dream of college was down the toilet (although it was the university of hawaii - I wanted to be a marine biologist) I did it, and then with my struggles I couldn't believe it when I graduated. Now Im scared I can't get into and finish grad school but Im determined to prove myself wrong. If only my mind would stay on the same path and stop going back and forth..haha. With that I close and I know its long but Ive included below my essay ..so far.. if anyone would like to give me some pointers or your opinion would be nice.

Peace, Love and Serenity :)

Grad Essay:

In our society today we face poverty, racism, homelessness, terrorism, world hunger, domestic violence, and child abuse to name a few. It is hard to determine which one would be most important. I would have to say that I feel the most pressing issue facing us today is child neglect and abuse. When I say child abuse and neglect I mean emotional, physical, psychological, and sexual abuse. Children are the next generation for our society.

I work with National Counseling Group providing home based counseling for children in need. Everyday I walk into homes where children are getting abused or neglected and it physically breaks my heart. As social workers it is our job to promote better standards for our parents and children. It is our job to teach parents and to help these children and make sure that they live in a safe and comfortable environment. It is our job to make sure that these children are clothed, educated and treated like children are meant to be treated.

Not only does this pertain to America but to all countries in our society. Not only in America are children getting abused and neglected, it is a worldwide problem that we have to address. We are the advocates for a younger generation, we are their voice and we need to be heard. As a home based counselor I have a much more intense relationship with my clients, which makes it hard not to get attached, but I have learned I must set boundaries. I have taken children to emergency rooms because their parents drugged them to get them to be quiet. I participate in child studies, team meetings, FAPT teams to advocate the needs of my client. I have made numerous phone calls to child protective services. I work with children who are abused, hungry and traumatized. Most recently I worked with children who live in a home that is corrupted by gang members from MS13, a very prominent gang in the area.

I come face to face with these issues daily and have been doing so for two years. My compassion has only grown stronger and I am determined to better myself and educate myself so that I may do a better job helping in these areas.

I came into the social work field due to personal experience. As a child I myself dealt with abuse and neglect. As a teenager I took care of my alcoholic mother and faced some of my worst nightmares. These experiences made me want to change things. I made a decision that no one should have to go through the things I did; or worse. I made a decision to use my experience to help others instead of letting it drag me down.

I put myself through school and graduated in 2007 with a bachelor’s degree in social work. During that time I still had to deal with my own problems, which made it extremely difficult to succeed and at times I didn’t think I would. Looking at my grades you can tell that I struggled. My mother was in Oregon and 90% of the time we didn’t know if she was alive or where she was because she lost her home and was living on the streets.

I may not have an excellent GPA but I received strong marks in my core subjects. I participated in forming the Social Work Club at our school and numerous community service projects. I believe my strengths are my compassion, my determination and my ability to listen and learn.

I am not perfect and I know that I need to continue to work on my clinical knowledge in the field, and my boundary issues. It is hard for me not to get attached to my client’s however I am learning not to. I now have two years in the field under my belt and I still want to pursue a Master’s degree in Social Work in order to better educate myself in the field and to do the best I can in helping others. My main goal is to one-day work for UNICEF helping children all over the world have a better life.

October - my favorite month.

HAPPY 18TH HOLLY! I LOVE YOU GIRL!
I love October! It is the best part of fall and who doesn't love Halloween??? Well unfortunately I put a hault on my Halloween fun because I have had to work alot this month so that I can take off to spend a few days in Oregon. So I am planning to do my Scary movies, cooking and carving with my mommy :). I m so excited that in just 3 1/2 days I get to go to Oregon and see my other favorite family. I also am scared out of my mind. Seeing my mom isn't the easiest thing. I have a habit of reverting to my 15 year self wanting to stay and take care of her, which i know I can't. But lets avoid that subject because I can attack that issue when I return. Heres what I have done this month...1) applied to grad school! I applied to University of New Englands online Masters of Social Work program. I am waiting on my transcripts and recommendations to send in. I am planning on starting full time in January and continuing working full time at National Counseling Group as well. I know its going to be hard but I am determined to make this happen, I remember thinking I wasn't going to survive highschool much less make it this far :). I also just got a new bed! I know this sounds like a small thing but its not to me. I grew up with a wonderful family who took me in. However, I didn't really have my "OWN" things. I lived out of a suitcase for a long time it seems. I will always consider both "the tree house " and Aunt syds my homes but it is so nice to have my very own first bed. Its mine :) . Its gorgeous and without pamela I never would have it. This was my "thank you" present for taking care of the house while Pamela was away. She always finds this ways to make me so happy I could cry. The picture of my father for one and now this. She is extremely thoughtful and very sincere. I love that she knows me better then a lot of people and loves me all the same. I have to sleep now and stop rambling for I have 3 days of work and somehow I have to fit all my client's in. But come 1:45 pm on Thursday I will be flying with Lauren to Oregon. I can't wait to see you guys!!!! I am so excited I could squeal...but I won't. I will pass along some pictures of my cute little room so you guys can see how pretty it is though :) . Peace and Love!

Fall - My Favorite!

Fall is here! (the view from my balcony)

Can you feel it, see it, smell it? I can and I love it! Fall to me is the most amazing season. There is something calm about the season, as if everyone is shifting from such a hectic summer back into the work/school mode. The temperature is just perfect, not too hot, but definitley not cold. Just right to be able to cuddle up in your favorite sweatshirt if you feel the need but not absolutely necessary. I am sitting on my porch, although I have enough work to do, enjoying my gorgeous view. I can hear the bugs and birds and the hustle and bustle of Alexandria City, and possibly Washinton D.C too. The kids in the neighborhood below are running around playing and excited to be going back to school soon and seeing all their friends. If you go into the stores they are already putting up halloween stuff which is by far my favorite holiday! I didn't have the best day but this weather puts me in the absolute best mood I could be in. I feel calm and relaxed and happy. I feel like there is something that connects me to this season, and the past few years the fall has been little to non-existent around here and very disappointing.. but not this year.

As a kid I remember sitting outside in my yard at the Glenview Court house ( which I happen to live 3 blocks away from now, how ironic) an listen to these sounds. I remember my mother making me go to bed for school in the morning and being completely irritated because the sun was still up! haha! My brother and I use to look for turquoise rocks in the dirt beneath one of my favorite climbing trees, and still to this day I don't know how that turquoise got there and wonder if you can still find it. Every season you can find something to complain about summer - its too hot or too humid, winter - too cold i can't get to work blah blah blah, spring - um it rains to much? But Fall, you can't complain its perfect! I am so grateful for this gift. I really think that this is a treasure, and I feel like someone decided hey sam needs a break, lets let fall really be fall this year. :)

Oh and P.s. I got another bonus from work for doing a great job mentoring and being a team player :)

Fear

Today I had a very intense experience. I had to spend most of the day in Warrenton driving a client of mine to a FAPT meeting to ensure that we had funding for her supervised visits. On the way back I looked to my right and saw my mothers ex boyfriend, a face that has haunted me since I was about 5 years old. Even though I have come so far and I am happy with where I am this was a very scary 2 minutes for me. I have seen him before this and even talked to him, briefly, it was all I could do not to runaway. I just find it amazing that after all this time, he still haunts my dreams and he still makes my heart jump into my throat when I see him. He did not see me as far as I know and thankfully I was driving and was able to get away from him and avoid a reconnection but it still affected me. It bothers me that something like this could just give me such a creepy feeling that I can't shake. I hate that he still has that control over me and I want more then anything to let it go. I realize that I have let go of what happened and am not trying to change the past. I also realized though that I hope I never run into him again. He is not someone I ever want back into my life.

Beach Memories 09'

Football on the beach!!!

Its been a very crazy couple of days here in Nova, attempting to wind down from the beach and get back to reality. Good stuff first! The beach was amazing this year, as usual, and thanks to Aunt Syd and the Megonigal family as well for making it all possible. Our beach house was located in Corolla, NC this year. This is only a little further down the peninsula then we usually are, but it happened to be far enough to allow aunt syd and I to get lost for a short amount of time. Fortunately for us we actually were ahead of the caravan! Who would of thought that would ever happen, haha. Although, it was sad that alot of very loved and dearly missed family members weren't able to make it this year we had a great time. I felt so relaxed and proud of my accomplishments during this trip. This was my first official paid vacation! I had gotten paid before at Chattering Children but that was for a very short vacation and I do not count it. On top of that I sat back and thrived in my good news that I received a promotion and raise right before this wonderful time of year. So in all it was blissful and happy. The first day my friend Katie (who i have known since Longfellow Middle and has been a huge part of my life) joined our family at the beach. It was great for her as well to see Sam "not so stressed".

It was great to be able to spend some time at night listening to stories from Pat, Kelly, Ty and Mike about growing up in Glenview court, which I have also had a great deal of memories there. I have to admit it was even better to hear that they actually got in some trouble in high school as well! I've realized that I am not the only one who has had to deal with the "wrath of aunt Syd". The kids were an absolute riot!! Mckenzie, Shane and Mason especially running around with mouths full of chocolate, pirate caps and bubble swords! I would love to share pics, unfortunately most of them are on Holly's camera. It was another successful trip only missing more family members and of course the joyous beach games that Uncle Mike puts together. I started to throw in my own little games with a few of the kids and had a blast!

My Little Sweet Caitlin off to college in a few weeks!

Returning back to work I was greeted by a full case load including 4 new clients and a crisis! Hooray for working in a field full of absolute chaos. I am still trying to get completely unpacked from the beach and done with laundry, etc. So back to reality I go but I wanted everyone involved in the beach experience to know what a great time we had, and everyone who couldn't come how much you were missed. What a wonderful time of the year I wouldn't miss it for the world. I am so unbelievably grateful to my father for bringing me into this world to be a part of such a wonderful family. I look at my clients everyday and realize how lucky I am. We all should remember that.

Birthday

I have to say I don't really feel 24. This weekend along with my summer seems to have flown by. I have to say I was a little disappointed for my birthday. I spent the weekend hoping to spend time with friends and family. I did get to see my family not all but some. However I realized that maybe I was very deceived by who my true friends are. These so called "friends" spent the weekend parting elsewhere and grilling and going to six flags without me. They didn't call or make an effort to celebrate with me. I know this must sound selfish and negative of me but it really hurt. I do have a much better idea of who really matters in my life. Finally late sunday night I was able to go swimming which is what I really wanted to do. I went with my friend and his girlfriend which was fun. I had a great time out to lunch with my aunt and uncle and brother. I think that to me to be 24 is just so weird. I feel so old and yet I still feel like such a little kid all the time. Today I am sitting back relaxing and taking a breather and getting super psyched for the beach. My tooth infection seems to have disappeared so i think i will be able to enjoy my week at the beach with no problem. I can't wait! I am going to take the week and enjoy myself and not worry about anything! I am looking forward to spending time with my family, reading, swimming and relaxing. I am going to venture out and maybe take some walks alone and reflect, that will be a challenge to me because I hate to be inside my own head. But oh how I can't wait to just sit back and relax with my feet in the sand. :)