Spring Sphere....No Way.

Times they are a changing..did anyone if not everyone hear about the spring sphere? What a ridiculous concept. Well I'm old fashioned so it will always be an Easter egg to me. Well its been months since my last chance to update so I guess I should have a lot of interesting stories to tell...unfortunately not too interesting though. The last few months have been a whirlwind blur. School has been wonderful but very intense and it won't stop this summer. I ended my most recent Substance Abuse class and am waiting to hear my final grade and my next class starts tonight at midnight. This class will be Social Work with Older Adults which I actually feel is going to be quite challenging to me since I am deathly afraid of the whole getting older, death thing. Another decision I have made is that I desperately need to get my anxiety in check. I had to stop Zumba for the time being because my work and school schedule just couldn't fit it in but I am hoping to possibly get back into it this summer... we'll see. Until than I ordered a yoga dvd so I'm going to do yoga in the evening to try to calm myself down. I also got this wonderful app on my Iphone called Get Running that is working me through a program to build endurance and teaching me how to run. Sounds silly but I like it and I've been wanting to start running for awhile now.
Lets see aside from school work is been crazy busy but I am grateful for a wonderful supervisor who has finally made it possible for me to get the hours I need. I see to be much more motivated when I am busy these days. I have still be looking on the horizon for something else, I love my job but low salary and millions of miles I put on my car is wearing on me. Other than that the rest of the time about a measly 1% that I am not working or studying I'm talking to David or my mother on the phone. Now that spring is hear I am going to be even more busy fitting everything into a crazy schedule. This summer Pamela and I are joining her mother and cousin for a trip to Disney World which I am completely excited for. I am so fortunate because this was a great surprise to me from Pamela and her mother and really will give me an opportunity to relive my childhood which we all need....well I try to relive my childhood daily but you know what I mean. Haha.
With the upcoming changes and the busy schedule I don't know what is next to come but I hope something good. My 3 year review is on Friday and although I don't know what will happen I would really love to have a good review and can't help in my heart but to cross my fingers for a promotion. In other news I have been sad to watch some wonderful people in my life fall on some rocky paths. Its been difficult for me to stand back and observe without trying to jump in and "save" as I use to do. I think that this year has been full of good learning experiences for me and its only been a few months. I look forward to whats ahead. I truly believe that things happen for a reason, whatever is thrown my way I know I can handle because I've done alright this far... My goals starting this week are to continue to be positive, continue to keep my 4.0 gpa, and work my butt off to get running this year. Oh and don't forget the wonderful news that Obama is in fact...an American..Haha..Mr. Trump sure knows how to make an ass out of himself. :)

I enjoy goofing off. :)

Peace and Serenity,
Me <3

Lucky..

The past months have flown by, I have been so busy with school work, zumba and other activities that I can't believe its January already. Aside from this I am unbelievably happy. I don't think Ive been this happy in my whole life! Im going to tell a story to explain my current situation. I had a friend in highschool, he was very close to me but I moved to Oregon. We talked on the phone alot and he was there through some of he rough times but somewhere in highschool we lost touch. In college I found him again we talked we caught up and we once again became great friends. At this time he was living in Texas so again I lost touch with him. A year later he was in the army stationed in Aberdeen, MD and we reconnected again except this time he had a kid. He got married and now has two kids and we of course lost touch and he ended up having a bad time and a divorce. Now comes the good part...God yet again brought us together. Now all of you know me and I am not one to speak out at all religiously I keep such things to myself. But there is no way this is coincidence. I am so happy and so lucky to have this wonderful man brought back into my life. I am blogging about this because he is so important to me I want you all to know. I just got back from spending 4 wonderful days in Texas with him, Katie (my best friend) and his two beautiful children. I couldn't be happier. Now all I have to do is wait for him to come home which is a work in progress because moving is costly and not easy. I wanted to share how happy I was and I am sorry if its completely corny but I have never wanted all of you to meet someone so badly and hopefully one day soon you will. Other than that school is wonderful and challenging I am busy and Zumba is keeping me somewhat fit. So far 2011 has turned out to be amazing and I finally feel like my past is behind me and I have a whole new life to look forward to. I am motivated and happy and can't wait to see what comes next. I love you all :)

peace and love
Sammy

Autumn is my Favorite

So time has just flown by since August. I can't believe its already a couple days from my all time favorite holiday and I almost decided not to do anything. We'll see if I make it out with friends the saturday before. Depending how much work I have to do I may not. But, if I do go....I am going as a very awesome 70's glam girl and if only I could find some old school roller skates to make it that much more disco it would be awesome! Anyway, although this past couple months have been pretty rough I have the best news first....I got an A in my first class of graduate school! It may sound silly but I have a good habit of not putting forth as much effort as I can usually and I think I have finally grown out of that. I never expected to get an A my first class so I've been smiling nonstop all day. Of course my new course started today as well, Introduction to Advanced Practice, and it looks harder so I don't have much time to relax. I have to say I've been really grateful for family these months. My cousin especially has been really there for me while I have been dealing with my mother and her illnesses. Good news is I got her some services so she now gets meals on wheels and some other things that should help to make her feel better. I miss her dearly and its been harder then usual to talk to her especially when she sounds so much more like the mother I remember.
Along those lines I have been searching for jobs in Portland, OR. like mad and I am not hearing anything. I don't know if I will considering I have a Virginia address and so they may be just passing over my resume. Lets hope not though and I'll keep a positive outlook if everyone will cross their fingers for. I really feel like I should be closer to my mom. In a selfish way it will greatly reduce the stress I have from not being close enough to do much when she needs help. Also though I really miss Oregon, and I feel like I would have some awesome opportunities out there.
Anyway, nothing much else is new except for chopping my bangs off a couple weeks ago. Chris says that I look Retro so hopefully it shall go good with my costume. In his news, he is back on the road again and playing. He just told me he's somewhere in Illinois currently. I am still so proud of him and you all should check out his show if he comes in town. All the guys are super talented and so much fun!
Thats all for now folks. Heres a few fun pics. :)

Chris playing in philly

lily and I

Peace, Love, and Serenity,
Sam.

GRAD SCHOOL - Week 1

Alright guys, so I have officially started my first class of graduate school! I am now officially... Samantha Cunningham - graduate student full time and counselor full time!! Can we say Eeeeeeek! I couldn't have been more giddy on Monday. Seriously I woke up early just to see if my class was available online (6:00am). I just can't believe at this point in my life. Okay so moving on my graduate courses are set up so I take 2 classes per semester. I take one class at a time (but don't think easy yet)... each class is 8 weeks. Thats right, I only get 8 weeks to absorb all I can from a class that takes normal students a full semester. So for future notice when I don't call you back right away thats why. So my first class is so far pretty interesting. Its called integrating mirco and macro practices, pretty self explanatory. Right now we are discussing the differences between the individual part of social work and the advocating part. I think my school is amazing already! Their mission statement revolves around the World Health Organizations view of health, basically stating everyone has equal rights to not only physical health but also emotional and psychological as well. If you didn't know by now I have somewhat of a soft spot for international social work and WHO affiliates with UNICEF.   Anyway so far its been nice to be super busy but everyone at the office says I wont feel that way for long. I made a couple decisions for myself before starting that I hope to keep. One of them is that I don't want to loose track of my health. I promised myself that I am going to continue to make time to eat healthy and shop healthy even if that means waking up at 6am to run down to the farmers market on saturday. So far so good I hit up Whole Foods and Trader Joes last weekend and Ive got plenty. The other part of this is to continue to exercise somewhat regularly so I don't gain all my weight back while in school. So my friend lily and I decided to check out the Xsportfitness gym down the street and sign up for Zumba classes. Well we joined the gym and I am psyched! Its 24 hours, and with our membership (which for this area was super cheap) we have full range access to any classes we want any time. All we have to do is show up! We also have full range access to a pool a huge huge gym and full spa services including a salon. So I feel like I am ready for my new adventures and comfortable that I will also have a 24 hour outlet for my stress. Anyway I need to leave you all with that and go back to my studying. I will try to update and let you guys in about the ups and downs of grad school. I have to say its been the best starting a new chapter in my life. Wish me luck..I'll need it.

ps. To my oregon family I miss you guys so much already!

peace and love,

Sammy

Dreams do come true..

Its amazing how things come when you least expect it. When your down in the dumps, exhausted grumpy and ready to just give up and give in to the evil little thoughts floating in the back of your head that your not good enough and that bad things happen to good people something amazing comes along. It kicks you in the ass and smacks you in the face and its says "why would you EVER give up or given in to that negative mentality"!!!! Well that smack in the face I got was a dream coming true, one at least as I have many. Yesterday about lunch time Im in the office and I recieve an email saying "Congratulations". I got accepted to the University of New England's graduate studies online program for Masters of Social Work, Advanced Standing!!!!!!! Now at the time I abruptly interrupted a meeting I was in with my ass. director, director and one of our payroll specialists to shout out "I got in!!!!". Fortunately I am very close with these amazing people at my office (another blessing in my life) and we all laughed and I received some good hugs :). Now heres what you don't know... or may know if you know me...Im an emotional person. Ha! I can hear all the "really sam? Like we didn't notice". Well on the way home I cried, in between calling friends and family, I cried happy tears for so many reasons that I am sure no one may understand. The thing is I never thought I would be here. I was once a 15 year old girl crying in a bathroom thinking to myself that nothing was ever going to get better and I remember that agonizing and desperate lost feeling. I cried because I am so happy and so lucky and so terrified  and excited all at the same time to take this next step. I cried because without the family that took me in and dealt with my attitude problems and anger saved my life and gave me this chance. I cried because I know my dad would be proud. I cried because maybe I really can do all these things I want to do. I was relieved. I finally am starting to become the person I want to be, the person I use to be before the chaos and drama and anger, the one I thought was lost at age 7. I know that many people are probably going to laugh at me for feeling so strongly about this amazing chance that I am getting, but I don't care. I wouldn't be here in any way without my friends and family (this includes the amazing teachers and leaders in my life). I love you all. I hope you read this and understand that each one of you have made me stronger and have touched my life and that without that constant push, the love, the reaffirmation that I am a woman of value (amyjo), I would be no where, if even alive and thats the truth. So, here I go.. Starting August 30th, I will be a full time employee and full time graduate student with no time and probably a great deal of lack of sleep...All we do now is wait to see if I can hack it and know Im going to give it my best! :)

*two of my amazing coworkers and I. :)

Trust

Trust is an amazing thing. Its funny how everyone automatically expects it. I have friends family acquaintances that act as if Im automatically suppose to trust them. Ironically....I don't. Even more ironically...they don't trust me. I have lived my whole life thinking that what everyone told me was honest and true until one day I woke up and realized I was being lied to. Today I cannot name one person I know who hasn't lied to me at one point in my life. So, how do you expect me to trust you?? Tonight I had an well good but interesting night. Why must everyone be so fake? I get criticized and ridiculed why? Because I am honest? Because I am real? Because I try so hard to not care what others think of me? The truth is I hear and feel everything. I analyze your response, the tone of your voice, the facial expression. I wonder why I get treated this way when really what have I done but been a good friend to you? I may not be the easiest person to deal with but I feel that if I only understood the ways of others things would be different.
I cannot even find comfort in the voice of my family my brother, my mom, my aunt. I try to find comfort in myself but I can't.  I know Im not exactly normal or average or at all very interesting, but inside I feel I am a good person. I constantly think of my father because every ounce of my being feels that he would understand me. I close my eyes before I cry and wish he was here to make it go away. I feel bad for even feeling bad about the day I had today. What right do I have, to feel this way? Their are people all over the world dealing with much worse. Im a whimp! I scream this at myself silently in the mirror, (although in all honesty If I were alone in this house it would be loud and clear). I feel as if no one understands me or cares to try. I feel like an honest mistake, like a trip in a wire. I can't spend one night out with out realizing the fakeness and ridiculousness of so many. I don't judge you, why do you judge me when I am trying so hard to get up off my own two feet!?!

Unexpected

Sitting here enjoying my coffee on a beautiful spring morning a few things come to mind. One, things are so unexpected! Truly when in life has everything gone "as planned" rarely! Well, a few months ago I was hoping to get rid of my car move to new york, and somehow come up with the ridiculous amount of money it would cost me to go to columbia, and yes being doubted by many. I received a letter saying that I was not accepted into Columbia at this time. But! Lets look at the positive - in this letter they explained that I was in fact..."a QUALIFIED STUDENT" for their program! Unfortunately I did not turn in my application early enough. Can you believe that! I am actually qualified to get into an ivy league school. Thats all I need, this reaffirmation of my belief in myself. Now since then things have changed drastically, for instance my 2,000 dollars saved for grad school had to be put towards my saturn that was totaled. Yah, so life gives us these unexpected turns, but I realize now that its all meant to be in some way or another. Without these little trials how would we learn and grow. Ive met many people in my life and let me tell you the ones who have had it easy are the ones who probably would die off first if they were ever stuck in a real life version of LOST.
Anyway, my new plan is to attend the University of New England's online Masters of Social Work program advanced standing (full time) and continue working full time. I know this will be hard but I am excited at the challenge and I know I can do it.
The other thing on my mind recently is just this..Why are their so many people in the world that don't believe others can change? I truly and wholeheartedly believe that anyone can change if they choose to. This is way we have recovering alcoholics, juvenile delinquents turned college graduates and rehabilitated sex offenders. It saddens me when I hear people question me for giving others a second chance. Did people think that of me? Do they still? Its no secret I wasn't the best teenager but I feel like I have grown and changed. I work with children daily to affect change in their lives and teach them things can be different. However, I constantly hear people disagree with me when I say "maybe they have changed". Its depressing that we all can not see the positive side in people. How can anyone change for the better if they are constantly told they can't? I changed for the better, and my mother has even shown me that its never too late to make a change in your life. I hope that we can all open our minds and encourage others to keep working on oneself and continue to learn, grow, change and affect change in our friends, family, and world we live in.