Learning to Grow

So its been awhile, what can I say Im busy.. Lets see I had a trip to my mothers. It was wonderful and sad all at the same time. I miss Oregon, it was beautiful. I loved being able to share it with Lauren as well, although she was sick most of the time. It was so nice to see my family and especially my mom. Looking back it probably was the best visit I have had with her since before I moved to Oregon. The first few days were difficult, she is very threatened by my other "mothers" and was sensitive to the fact that I was staying with Amy Jo. But my favorite part was the last day I spent in Eugene I went to see her in the morning alone. I spent about two hours with her. First I painted her fingernails and toenails and then I laid on the couch and listened to her tell me stories. Then we raided her shoe closest. :) My mother has always had the best style. At 66 years old she still has better shoes then I do! I miss her now just thinking about that one morning. The rest of the time was very difficult but that was all I needed, those two hours where I felt like my mom was still there. You know I am grateful for my generation, for the help I got when I needed it because I don't think my mother was fortunate enough to get the help she needed when she was young. I am lucky and I need to remember that everyday. So...sniff sniff, as I tell my client's its okay to cry...and jeez do I.

Since returning from Oregon, I have been swamped trying to get back into work and turning in all the stuff I need for my Graduate School Application. If I hadn't mentioned previously I made a decision to apply to University of New Englands, online MSW program. Its an online program and advanced standing so I could get it done in 2 years. I was done with everything and went to submit my essay when I was notified that they had revamped the requirements so I now have 3 pages more to add to my essay. GRRRRRR. I will figure it out though. As it gets closer, because I hope to start in January, I get more unsure of myself. I keep going back and forth telling myself my ambitions are too high and there is no way I can work full time and attend grad school full time. But people manage, for goodness sake I can even look at some of my favorite actors and realize that we may think their life is easy but waking up at 5am to start work everyday then going over lines not getting off sets until close to midnight..well I think I can't handle some extra work. I feel like I have always been this lazy girl. I sometimes regret things wishing I did better, I know that some things I half assed..Im learning and I want so much to have a set routine to get up every morning much like my aunt dianne and uncle kirk and get so much done. They wake up at like 4am 5am to go to work and manage to make time for work and everyone they care about. They really amaze me and they have worked so hard I want to empower that and strive to achieve everything I can. I didn't think I could graduate highschool alive, and I did, I once thought my dream of college was down the toilet (although it was the university of hawaii - I wanted to be a marine biologist) I did it, and then with my struggles I couldn't believe it when I graduated. Now Im scared I can't get into and finish grad school but Im determined to prove myself wrong. If only my mind would stay on the same path and stop going back and forth..haha. With that I close and I know its long but Ive included below my essay ..so far.. if anyone would like to give me some pointers or your opinion would be nice.

Peace, Love and Serenity :)

Grad Essay:

In our society today we face poverty, racism, homelessness, terrorism, world hunger, domestic violence, and child abuse to name a few. It is hard to determine which one would be most important. I would have to say that I feel the most pressing issue facing us today is child neglect and abuse. When I say child abuse and neglect I mean emotional, physical, psychological, and sexual abuse. Children are the next generation for our society.

I work with National Counseling Group providing home based counseling for children in need. Everyday I walk into homes where children are getting abused or neglected and it physically breaks my heart. As social workers it is our job to promote better standards for our parents and children. It is our job to teach parents and to help these children and make sure that they live in a safe and comfortable environment. It is our job to make sure that these children are clothed, educated and treated like children are meant to be treated.

Not only does this pertain to America but to all countries in our society. Not only in America are children getting abused and neglected, it is a worldwide problem that we have to address. We are the advocates for a younger generation, we are their voice and we need to be heard. As a home based counselor I have a much more intense relationship with my clients, which makes it hard not to get attached, but I have learned I must set boundaries. I have taken children to emergency rooms because their parents drugged them to get them to be quiet. I participate in child studies, team meetings, FAPT teams to advocate the needs of my client. I have made numerous phone calls to child protective services. I work with children who are abused, hungry and traumatized. Most recently I worked with children who live in a home that is corrupted by gang members from MS13, a very prominent gang in the area.

I come face to face with these issues daily and have been doing so for two years. My compassion has only grown stronger and I am determined to better myself and educate myself so that I may do a better job helping in these areas.

I came into the social work field due to personal experience. As a child I myself dealt with abuse and neglect. As a teenager I took care of my alcoholic mother and faced some of my worst nightmares. These experiences made me want to change things. I made a decision that no one should have to go through the things I did; or worse. I made a decision to use my experience to help others instead of letting it drag me down.

I put myself through school and graduated in 2007 with a bachelor’s degree in social work. During that time I still had to deal with my own problems, which made it extremely difficult to succeed and at times I didn’t think I would. Looking at my grades you can tell that I struggled. My mother was in Oregon and 90% of the time we didn’t know if she was alive or where she was because she lost her home and was living on the streets.

I may not have an excellent GPA but I received strong marks in my core subjects. I participated in forming the Social Work Club at our school and numerous community service projects. I believe my strengths are my compassion, my determination and my ability to listen and learn.

I am not perfect and I know that I need to continue to work on my clinical knowledge in the field, and my boundary issues. It is hard for me not to get attached to my client’s however I am learning not to. I now have two years in the field under my belt and I still want to pursue a Master’s degree in Social Work in order to better educate myself in the field and to do the best I can in helping others. My main goal is to one-day work for UNICEF helping children all over the world have a better life.